LOVE ME OR HATE ME, i'm still on your mind.

Monday, January 19, 2009

OKAY
i think i'm in a better mood to blog now
the weekend SUCKED
to say the least

SATURDAY SUCKED BECAUSE
L tries calling me because he needs someone to talk to
it turns out that he doesnt just want to talk
he wants to talk about a fight he had with E
HAHA.i dont know if i should laugh or cry
i dont know what i can do to make it any clearer
that i HATE E.that she pretty much made my life
miserable at that point in time and i that i will have
NOTHING to do with her.calling me to talk about her
screams INSENSITIVITY
(but due to my nagging conscience i feel guilty for
not talking to him as well)
so its before 12 and i'm pissed and feeling guilty
but okay at least i had the friends
and booze to supress my anger for a while
i think i got quite high
i dont actually remember how i managed to find my way
OUT of the club but i did
haha
i just needed to sit outside and get some fresh air
i think i tried calling S a few times
i dont know suddenly i just wasnt
in the mood to party
i think that was literally the first time i had
to literally drag myself back into the club
cause i didnt wanna go back in
i think my mood swings these days are insane
SUNDAY WAS NO BETTER
i dont know somehow S and i got into an argument
he indirectly implied that i cheated on him
while we were together
HOW DARE HE
i would have never done such a thing to him
i couldnt believe what he was saying
i couldnt believe that THIS
was the guy i wanted to grow old with
who is he
i dont know anymore
the boy i loved is gone
he is so different now
i was on my way to church when we talked
i dont ever remember being so angry
and feeling so defeated
my own ex thinks that i'm a
bitch/slut/whore
i dont know what he thinks
then i go for mass
and the WHOLE sermon was about
YOUR BODY IS A TEMPLE OF GOD
IT IS NOT YOURS TO MISUSE AND ABUSE
YOU MUST RESPECT IN AND TAKE CARE OF IT
and i could feel myself shrinking in my seat
like
MY GOSH
of all weeks!
ah i cant even describe what i was feeling over the weekend
i was like a time bomb ready to EXPLODE
i think i have to accept the fact that i have
horrible taste in guys
and that it IS impossible to stay friends with your exs
everyone says i'm nuts because i do
i keep telling myself that ITS POSSIBLE
its okay
I CAN HANDLE IT
but
at the end of the day
i guess i cant
its too much for me to handle
its stress i can do without
i give up

anyway
i'm glad the weekend is over
i need to thank ian
i need to thank serena
and i need to thank pet
for putting up with my whining
i was really feeling like crap this weekend
and i need to thank nigel
just because he always knows what to say
to make me feel better

the tragic romance