LOVE ME OR HATE ME, i'm still on your mind.

Friday, January 09, 2009

i am feeling MUCH better today
i think it was the cosmos and strawberry margaritas! (:
anyway i'm super happy i dragged myself out of the house
to go meet steff and kass and serena for dinner!
I MISSED THEM ALOT
i'm so sad everyone's leaving s'pore so soon
AYEEE ):

you know yesterday we were talking
about overprotective boys and all
i KNOW its not wrong to want your
own freedom and your own space
which is why i'm NEVER willing to
give that up
sometimes although i strongly believe
that a girl should never give up her
liberty to do whatever she wants whenever she wants to
i think
sometimes
maybe i am a little too uncompromising
i know i have my reasons
but blahh
i cant let it dictate my whole life
and how i live it right
its so difficult to draw the line
between making sure you dont let anyone
take advantage of you
and just being plain stubborn

you know
i was talking to mum today
and everyone keeps asking me what i want to do
i've been thinking about it ALOT
its seriously been driving me crazy
on new year's
i realised
there is only ONE thing i WANT to do
i want to be a psychologist/counsellor
or whatever job allows me to work with PEOPLE
especially kids
its what i WANT to do
i remember i told someone this ONCE
and they were like
why dont you teach?
you can work with kids then
but the point IS
i dont want to deal with spoilt brats and
all their petty problems
i want to help kids with REAL problems
family probs
i just hate telling people this cause its SINGAPORE
nobody does anything that they truly want to do anymore
everyone expects you to go into
law business fincance.
whatever crap rakes in the most money
but i dont want to be doing something that i HATE
if i'm going to be stuck working for the rest of my life
i want a FULFILLING CAREER
i want to be happy with what i do
okay yes i did quite love my job at cna
and i guess i could go into journalism or something
but
sighs
i just
it sucks that i cant do what i really want to do

THINGS THAT I WANT TO DO
BUT MOST LIKELY WILL NEVER GET A CHANCE TO
1)become a psychologist
2)go on mission trips to cambodia and africa
to help the kids
3)ADOPT A KID
(serena says that the singapore govt doesnt allow you
to adopt kids unless you CANT have your own kids)
4)i wanna have a big happy family
with a guy thats going to be an AWESOME DAD
(awesome dads are almost impossible to find)

sometimes i look at my own list
and wonder
OMG ALICIA WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
what happened to
I WANT TO BE RICH FAMOUS AND SUCCESSFUL
i mean
yeah i want all that too
but its secondary to all the things i really want
I AM SUCH A SUCKER

PLEASE JUST SHOOT ME NOW

the tragic romance