LOVE ME OR HATE ME, i'm still on your mind.

Monday, December 29, 2008

this christmas
hasnt exactly been my ideal christmas
but still a good one nonetheless
its made me realise that
despite all the crap that
constantly gets thrown at me
i am grateful for this life that i've been given
i'm grateful for the people i get to share it with
i'm grateful for everything
that has made me a stronger person
i'm grateful that i have god to rely on
2008 hasnt exactly been an easy year for me
hell
its was ther hardest
most trying time of my life
but through all the pain, tears and sleepless nights
i think
i think i've grown
i've learnt to be more independent
more self reliant
i've learnt
that holding on to my anger
at a lot of things
is useless
and pointless
i'm learning to forgive the people
who have hurt me the most
(YES i still have a long way to go
but i know i will get there eventually)
but i think
most important of all
i think i've learnt to forgive myself
to stop hating myself for the stupid things i do
for the stupid mistakes i've made
for the bad choices
for being the person i am
for all my trust issues
for being wary of people
for putting so much importance
on my relationships with people
for caring about some people
and not caring about others
for trying to act so strong on the outside
when i'm always crying on the inside
i've learnt to accept me for me
yes not all of it is good
and yes i will try to change the bad parts
but for the most part
i'm okay with all that
and i know the people who love me
accept it too
and that they will always be there
to support me thro whatever
and that there is no tragedy or circumstance
which i cant get thro
when god gives you shit do deal with
he also gives you a way to overcome it
a way to get by
and in this case
he blessed me with PEOPLE
and of all the blessings he could've given me
i am grateful that he chose this one

and so
i am no longer afraid to face 2009
because
although there is a possibilty that
i might turn out even worse than 2008
there is also the possibility that
it will be BETTER
its all in his hands

the tragic romance