LOVE ME OR HATE ME, i'm still on your mind.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

OKAY
i just HAD to come online to VENT
rarr
i am SO PISSED RIGHT NOW
why why WHY is she always so damn
OVERCRITICAL OF ME
yeah yeah yeah
i am selfish and self centred
and i dont know HOW to care for anyone else
BUT MYSELF
i never DO things to help people
F.Y.I i DO care about other people
and i AM there
for my friends at least
is it MY FAULT that the COTTON CANDY is so
damn dysfunctional
i am SORRY okay
but this is the way COTTON CANDY made me
but then again maybe thats why i treat
by best friends like COTTON CANDY
maybe its my subconscious yearning for
REAL COTTON CANDY
one that is BIG and.REAL
DONT pin everything on me
its not that i LIKE being like this
sometimes i hate myself for it
i hate alot of things
i hate the way i act sometimes
and the way i think
and i hate the secrets that i've had to carry
for as long as i can remember
sometimes i HATE the fact that i know
what i know
cause sometimes i think i'd be much better off
NOT KNOWING ANYTHING
ignorance is bliss
knowledge has screwed me up
inside out
and i know the impact
that all of this has had
on my emotional well being
i know that it will follow me to my grave
cause it will NEVER go away
OKAY
thats not the point
the point is that SHE
does not get to call me all those things
YES
okay
i do tend to screw up myt relationships
be it the boyfriends or the friends or WHATEVER
but at least
i UNDERSTAND
that relationships should be based ON LOVE
(i know she loves me dearly BUT
what about OTHER PEOPLE)
at least i dont believe that
people get married because of the sex
or that you do thing for the people you love
not JUST out of courtesy or not just because its the
right thing to do
but you do it
OUT OF LOVE
sighs
i dont know why i'm so pissed
blahh
maybe its all the stress
i am just sick of alwaysbeing put down
I AM NOT PERFECT
i KNOW
i have a million flaws
but you DONT have to magnify and
exaggerate them
sighs
maybe i am really a selfish person
incapable of caring bout anyone but myself
sighs
i see many long lonely years ahead

i'm so sick

the tragic romance