LOVE ME OR HATE ME, i'm still on your mind.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

i think
i have never felt this conflicted in my entire life
have you ever been in position
where you KNOW what the right thing to do is
but because of other factors
like love and friendships and loyalties
you choose otherwise
why do i constantly find myself in this position
i do not understand

to follow your head or
to follow your heart
that is the question.
as i have learnt (the hard way)
thinking with your heart
instead of your head
lands you in the the crappiest position ever
but at the same time
there is always a price to pay
for neglecting your heart
and only listening to your sense of logic and reason

maybe roy is right
maybe it is time
to clear out all the trash
delete the past
start on a clean slate
but
its easier said than done
there's so many things i dont want to let go of
not yet
i'm not ready
to let go of all of it
all at once
i contstantly feel
that people are watching me
holding me accountable
for all my actions
i always have to think of the consequences
the people involved
how to avoid hurting all of them
and in trying not to hurt all the people around me
the person i hurt the most
is myself
i dont want to care
i want to be irresponsible
and make irresponsible decisions
i dont want to keep on second guessing myself
and the choices i make
but this
sadly
is the way i am

i still dont know what to do

and for those of you
who are trying to figure out what the hell i'm talking about
dont try to make sense of it all
its all my thoughts meshed into one post
if you do understand what i'm talking about
then good for you

thank god i didnt go to school today
i need some time for myself anyway
will be going to school tomorrow
tomorrow is...
*gasp
the 14th!
its nigel's birthday!
haha
that's all the 14th is
nigel's birthday.
nothing more

the tragic romance