i'm back!! omg... been more than a month since i blogged!!! so so so so much has been happenning!!!
today... chem and lit prelim.... were like CRAP!!!!! oh GOD!!!! i'm gonna start looking for jobs to take on.. cause i ain't gonna be in jc the first three months.. no way! the way things have been going!!! argh.. so pissed... when i dun study.. i screw up.. when i study... i STILL freaking screw up everythin....
nicky's going a lil nuts listening to some weird ointment song I"VE never heard of! haha ok ok... it's jc superstar.. the soundtrack... oh god... she's such a HOLY FREAKK!!! haha sighs....
because of you kelly clarkson
I will not make the same mistakes that you did I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery I will not break the way you did You fell so hard I learned the hard way, to never let it get that far Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt Because of you I find it hard to trust Not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid I lose my way And it's not too long before you point it out I cannot cry Because I know that's weakness in your eyes I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh Every day of my life My heart can't possibly break When it wasn't even whole to start with Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side So I don't get hurt Because of you I find it hard to trust Not only me, but everyone around me Because of you I am afraid I watched you die I heard you cry Every night in your sleep I was so young You should have known better than to lean on me You never thought of anyone else You just saw your pain And now I cry In the middle of the night Over the same damn thing Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt Because of you I tried my hardest just to forget everything Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty Because of you I am afraid Because of you
you know... the first time i heard that song... i cried. well....actualli... i do everytime i hear that song... sighs... i juz can't help it... he haunts me... i can't fucking get him out of my head i want him out. so bad. SO bad... but oh god... it realli sucks... juz thinking bout it. bout him... argh... pathetic.... god... i'm never getting my heart so involved in anyhting again!
you know.. the other day.. when i was listening to the radio... this person wrote in.. and she was like... why is it that special people come into your life... only o leave? i mean.... yea... what's the point... when you give your heart to someone.. and you know your eventually gonna get iy back bruised and broken.
but.... you know what the dj said.... that everyone has a purpose... so... ehatever it is... whatever happens... there's always something for you to learn.... try to take it in a positive light.... so yea... i guess... i did learn a lot... i learnt a lot abt myself... you know... i was readin my old diary the other day... and i realised.. there was one point of time... when i was quite suicidal.. bout the time when i met him... and he helped pull me outta it. i had something to live for... in a way... and even know when he's not here... i know... there's is so much more out there... there realli is a lot to live for... yea... and also... that i can't let stuff that happen to my mum.. affect how i think and live... i cna't keep on pushing guys way forever... cause i'm scared that things... well let's juz say i'm scared things won't work out... cause... even tho... i got hell hurt this time... iknow now... that to keeping to myself and pushing everyone away... is bad. i know how happy i CAN be.. and i know how love can make you see the world thro rose tinted glasses... and yea... it's not something i wanna give up on...
so yea... i did learn... you learn. hopefully you grow.. hopefully you move on.... i juz need to learn to move on now.... i can't afford. to stay the way i am now.. i torture myself... thinking.. i can't sleep at night... every night.. i stay awake wondering if things could have turd=ned out differently... what icould have done differently... well... everything happens for a reason doesn't it?
all i ask all i hope is that he remembers... that when he was still shy and quiet i was the one who was there for him and i was the one who didn't care... cause i loved him juz the way he was... ijuz hope he doesn't for get that...
and yea.. this song's for him..
I've given everymoment I had still I could neverseem to keep upwith you you're done with one mile and on to another one thousand still I could never seem to keep up with you I know you'll be better off without me when im gone You know your You're beautiful Shine on you were made to shine on and you know I love you and even if we can or cant be friends I'll be with you until the very end so Shine on You were made to Its keepin me awake every night But i can never seem to give up on you I send up a prayer then I'm on to another one thousand But i can never seem to give up on you I know youyou'll be better off without me when I'm gone You know your, your beautiful Shine on you were made to shine on and you know I love you and even if we can or cant be friends I'll be with you until the very end so Shine on You were made to Nobody's wrong Nobody's right keep movin on Shine on you were made to shine on and you know i love you and even if we can or cant be friends you're gunna be brighter then you've ever been so shine on you're gonna be just fine oohh you're gunna be alright love you're gonna be just fine you're gunna be alright love
