heya!okie. i'm back! couldn't resist it.had to ONE more post. haha oh wells.(nicky wants me to say she's HERE!!!!) haha sighs. everythings kinda settled down now i guess oh wells... been studying... slowing picking everything up. trying to put my stupid life back together getting there.... the month of june was realli horrendous.. realli hated it. dun ever wanna live thro it again.
but i gues... if all that di happen... i never would have woken up... would have never realised... what i shd have realised a lomg time ago.. that right now... my O's are the most important thing.. it is my life. my life DOES depend on it. it's my future i'm wasting if i screw it. yea... juz hope i aint too late... i pray god realli help me out here.. i wanna get thro the O's...
yea.also realised that ultimately... i'm the only one who can make myself happy.. i'm the one who can hurt myself the worst. i'm the one who's gotta look out for myself. i can't depend on anyone. to look out for me. to make me happy. i'm the only one who can do that. as long as i've got my family. and my friends. the ppl who will always love me. and i have god. i'll be good.
yea... haha. the other day we did break ups during pc. haha. ms teo is hilarious. haha. yea.. but she said something bout how some ppl get suicidal when they break up. and that's ridiculous! haha.oh wells. but u noe... that week.. when my whole life screwed up... i remeber i was going for tuition.. and i was realli upset. din see this car coming.. almost got hit. jumped outta the way at the last minute. and i found myself wishing.. wishing that maybe.. juz maybe.. if i hadn't moved.... it might have been better? i dunno.. but htat kinda even scared myself.. and that was like..
recently.... i was like... that's it. i've gotta stop feeling sorry for myself. give it up he's gone he ain't coming back. juz let it go. move on wif life. i srewed up mids. let it go. there's nothing i can do abt it. juz work for the prelims. study hard. try and pull myslef outta this hole.. i lost my mum's trust. now.. i juz gotta earn it back. there's nothing more to say... there isn't.
guess he was right.. it's hard. but the only thing i can do have to do is let go and not look back not turn back. everything in life is a lesson. its up to u if u wanna learn from it of if your gonna go on making the same mistakes over and over and over again. so yea.i'm letting go of everything now. of the past. hoping for the best.
juz... i always wondered.. guess i always will. if he really did love me or maybe.. he was juz a very lonely guy. and i was juz ... this very amusing entertaining thing which kept him occupied... i din juz lose my bf. i lost my best friend.
oh wells. gotta thank everyone loads for being there for me when i realli needed them. esp to nicky nicky was the best! dunno whad i'd do without u... yea.. and manda too.. u guys rock! haha and the rest of ya'l. u noe who u are.. kk. gtg for tuition now.. going to go STUDY! for more months.. 4 and after that i'm gonna switch to crazy party girl mode! but right now... it's study time!! lucks to ya'l. tc and god bless. love!
